Thursday, January 27, 2011

Week 4: Day 6 - Superwoman

Oh my goodness, being back at work is a whole new ballgame.  Dropping off the baby, the husband, the dog, doing a full day of work, coming back home getting in a workout, picking up the baby and dog, and waiting for the husband to come home and help take on some duties... all in the meantime, eating healthy and drinking water..... I feel like Superwoman.

Being a wife, mom, daughter, friend and now an employee... wow, it is definitely NOT easy to juggle everything and also keep up this healthy lifestyle.  Don't worry, this is not a post to tell you I'm throwing in the towel.  I just wanted to express that I got through my first week of my new life. 

So I weighed-in at Weight Watcher's on Tuesday at 177.3 lbs! Yeah! It's only 1 pound down, but I have decided that this time, I'm not letting myself be disappointed if there is a loss, no matter how small.  Why would I be?  I am doing everything I can to make this happen so if there's a loss, it's because I earned it, not because I starved myself.  So far, the scale has been decent to me, only going down.  But I have to prepare myself for the days where I don't see a change, or I go up.  Those are the days where I'm more likely to say, "screw it, what's the number for Pizza Hut?"  I have to be prepared, not just physically, but mentally.  I have to remind myself over and over that an off-week on the scale does NOT have to equal an off-week for eating. 

I haven't ordered a pizza in 27 days.  That has got to be a record for me. I love, love, love pizza. I could eat pizza morning, noon and night.  It's got all my favorites: meat, cheese, veggies, tomato sauce and bread.  That was my number one idea of how I would gauge this diet.  Pizza was my archilles heel.  I haven't given it up, I've just....modified it.

Next post I'm taking pictures, so stay tuned!!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Week 4: Day 2 - How to get through a night of appetizers....

So, last night I went to a wedding shower, and there was FOOD GALORE! The bride-to-be is Ukrainian, so they had table full of the most amazing, fattening foods you could think of.  Before I went, I gave myself a game-plan: I ate a nice healthy turkey wrap at home before the shower and allowed myself to have 3 appetizers and unlimited fruit and veggies.  I also allowed myself to linger on 1 glass of wine. That was my plan and I was sticking to it.

I am extremely proud to say that I stuck to my plan! I stuck to it, and I didn't feel like I was missing out, no one looked at me weirdly, AND, most importantly, I felt ......get this......satisfied!  No. Way.  I had no idea that's all it took to feel "satisfied."  I thought stuffing your face because "it's there" was the only way to feel that satisfaction.  I can't tell you how amazing I felt this morning when I woke up and realized how good I was at a social event that was weighing (literally!) on my mind ever since I received the invitation.

So it IS possible to go to a social event and be on a "diet". You just need to PLAN for it.  This is the first time I had planned for something like this.  I was able to enjoy my time there, and not worry about blowing it.  I keep pinching myself every time I see the lower number on the scale.  Sure it's only 1 lb and is done only once a week, but I am still in awe.  Is this even for real?  How is it possible that I am able to go to a social event, be included in everything including food and drink? What an epiphany.

Weigh-in is on Tuesday and I guess it will prove how well my "planning" really went. I am actually excited!  Who knew this month was going to be this great?  And I thought I had to lose 10 lbs fast before I felt any sort of entitlement.  I was so wrong. 


Week 1: 181.2 lbs

Week 2: 179.8 lbs

Week 3: 178.3 lbs

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Week 3: Day 6 - Loose!

So I've noticed my pants are feeling loose! The scale isn't down significantly - I weighed in at WW on Tuesday and I am officially 178.3 lbs... And I know that doesn't sound like much but 3 pounds in 3 weeks, well I can't complain really.  As long as I am noticing the changes, I don't think the number on the scale has that much of a significance. 

So here are more results:

I guess it's time to mention that I have been doing the 30 day shred.  I am on day 17... level 2 is much harder than level 1 but, after having done it 7 times, I am seeing a significant improvement in my stamina.  The first day I did it, I thought I was going to die.  Now, I don't dread it as much.  You really just need to work past your inner demons.  

But like I said, I didn't want this blog to be about every little detail.  You can't keep up with a blog if you plan to go into too much detail.  And I thought this place was going to be my "venting" station, but it really hasn't been as bad as I had set it up to be. So far, seeing these results after eating REAL food, just NORMAL portion sizes, I feel like this is something I can carry on for a long time.  Of course this time I am being diligent in adding fruit and vegetables to the mix, oh and drinking my water, but honestly I haven't made THAT much of a sacrifice.  I am not depriving myself this time, I refuse. 
Hope everyone's journey is going well!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Week Two: Day 7 - Water

Water! I am craving water.  Last night, when we were lounging around my husband got up to grab something and I asked him if he could fill up my water bottle for me.  He looked at me funny and said, "don't you just want a diet soda?"  I told him no I was craving water.  he shrugged his shoulders.  Then asked me how HE could crave water too.

What a great feeling to crave something that is natural for your body.  I never knew how it affected me until I missed drinking it by 2 hours.  It was like my body was telling me, "Look, I'm missing something here."  All the diet pops that I had been drinking were silencing my body.  I can just picture the soda can in a slick, low, gangster voice saying, "Hey hey hey, it's okay, you don't need that plain 'ole, boring 'ole water. Just drink me.  I'm just as cold..." 

My skin is nicer, my nails are nicer, and when I pee it feels delightful.

So the water has been helping a lot.  There have been many times when I was dieting without drinking my water out of laziness.  Usually those diets didn't last long.  So my lesson for the day is, you can eat as well as you like, and exercise as long as you like.  But you're not doing anything unless you're drink lots of water.  Your body NEEDS it!  That "craving"  is NORMAL - and yet it feels so foreign to me.  How sad is that?

So DRINK UP! It's important.  We really don't give water it's due diligence...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Week Two: Day 4 - F-ABS-ulous!

11 days in and I took some pictures and I could not believe the difference.  I just had to share in my progress.  After all, this is what the blog is for, right?

January 1st: Side view

January 11th: Side view

January 1st: Front view

January 11th: Front view

Pardon the ever-lingering stretch-marks.  Okay, it's not perfect, but it is giving me hope that this IS possible.  I know that I mentioned I used to see a difference in my stomach if I just go one day without eating a carb, but this time I am actually eating carbs (in a healthy way) and it took a little long but it is still working.  I wonder if there's a difference in the "staying power" too.  Maybe it is loss of fat, rather than loss of water? 

Weight Watchers tonight! Wish me luck!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Week Two: Day 3 - Un-repressing feelings...

Today I thought about a memory I hadn't thought about for years.  I probably had repressed the feelings of that fateful day back in February of 1994.  That was the day that I became obsessed with the number on the scale.  Our class was going on a ski trip and they had every one of us step on a scale to see what size of skis we would need.  I remember being one of the heaviest girls weighing 118 lbs.  I hadn't thought about this day in many many years.  I think I am starting to think about this because I am going through a natural cleanse.  I feel okay thinking about these memories instead of feeling ashamed.

I have had weight issues since I was 12 years old. I might have even had them before, I don't remember.  In grade 8 a boy (Alex) would make fun of me.  He would call me fat, big-boned, etc. etc.  I remember he said I starred in Congo, a movie about a giant ape.  I can't believe I remember that.  I mean, he really made me feel like, well, the lowest human being on earth.  To this day, I still remember how I felt.  At this point, I didn't know I could do something about it.  I just thought you were pre-disposed to looking/being a certain way.  Pretty and thin girls were pretty and thin because they were born that way.  I had no idea about exercise or eating well. 

When I went from 169 lbs (aged 17) to 140 lbs (aged 24) I kept thinking about that jerk.  He was the one that made me want to change.  And it was good that I lost that weight, but I still never felt like I was ever perfect.  I always felt like I could be skinnier, and when I looked at pictures all I could see was how FAT I was.  I think this was because I was doing it for him.  Well not him specifically, but for all the jerks like him.  To prove to them that they were wrong in thinking less of me as a person because of my weight.  I wanted to stick it to them.

Now I couldn't give a flying eff about those people.  This time, I'm doing it for ME! Because I am now a mother, and I want to have another child in the future.  I want to have control of MY life, and I want to feel that happiness that I have never yet been able to feel.  So although my weight will eventually be the same, I don't think my mentality will be.  These changes that I'm making are for me to have.  And I am starting to feel that happiness as I go along, not just in my end result which I think is also important.  It's not like one day I'm going to wake up and say, "Okay, I'm happy now."  It's gradually starting.  And I really like it.

Anyways, I couldn't help but step on the scale this morning (I am part of a weight loss thread in a forum) and I am proud to say that my Weight Watcher's scale says 178.6 lbs! And boy do I feel it.   Tomorrow's weigh-in at Weight Watcher's will get me through another week because of the lower number.  Until then!  I want to hear from you ladies, it's been quite in the comment section!!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Week Two: Day 1 - I made it!

I made it through a week!  And not only a week but THE week! The one that has the highest rate of failure.  I am proud to say that I have NOT failed.  In fact, I really don't think I have been this motivated in my life.  I have been making very smart choices, choices that I would have never made before.  And it seems as though these choices are snowballing.  The more I make, the more I want to make them.  A first for me. 

I was at my parents house for a visit with the little one last night and of course, it being a Friday evening, pizza for dinner was an obvious choice.  They wanted to order it, but I suggested we have the frozen pizza that I mentioned in one of my previous posts instead.  I couldn't even finish the pizza I was so full.  Instead of shoving it down my throat for the sake of eating it, I put my plate up with my unfinished pieces.  I didn't feel "lacking" in anything.  I participated in the Friday night dinner and didn't blow my diet.  It felt great the next morning when I woke up realizing I was still on track.

Exercise is going well.  I've noticed a slight improvement in my endurance.  I know I'm not starting from square one and that it only gets better from hereon out so that makes me be o.k with working out.  I don't dread it quite as much.  I'm still not quite at the point where I feel free doing it, but like I said, I'm getting closer and closer every time I put those sneaks on.

Joining Weight Watcher's on Tuesday was fine.  I am liking the new program - it's probably the reason for the increase in my smart choices.  My official weigh-in was (drum roll please!) ...... 181.2 lbs. 

Let me explain the number:

1. It was done in the evening,
2. I was wearing clothes,
and 3. I probably weighed a bit more because of Christmas but couldn't bring myself to step on the scale.

I am actually excited to weigh in on Tuesday.  The first one is always the hardest I find.  You have nothing to base it on, and you know you probably haven't been eating very well beforehand.  When I've done the best that I can, I actually feel excitement in stepping on the scale.  This whole journey 'aint that bad afterall.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Week One: Day 4 - I have never been so inspired...

So I was watching MTV's show I Used to Be Fat that featured a very sweet and outgoing girl who weighed in at 253 lbs at 5'7".  At first, just watching her made me sad.  I thought to myself, "it's too bad there's no way she will ever look the way she really wants to look."  I am eating my words.  This girl was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.  She gave herself 111 days (days between graduating high school and starting college) and had a personal trainer with her the entire time.  Despite her mother being a real downer, almost trying to sabotage her (issues with "letting go" I assume) this girl pulled through and after the 111 days, ended up weighing only 163.5 lbs! Amazing.  I was in shock by the end of the episode.  She looked fantastic.  I felt horrible about the thoughts I had. 

The one part that so far has stuck with me in the episode is how she began.  Her personal trainer had her doing exercises much like the ones I'm doing.  This girl almost gave up only 10 minutes into it.  And that, folks, is the FORK in the road of a weight loss journey.   She chose the right path and ended up just "sucking it up" (as her trainer so gently put it) and continued working out everyday.  YES, every day!  She could have easily said "this is too hard" and left.  Although she did say "this is too hard," (numerous times) she did NOT pair it with giving up.  Honestly, if I had not seen that episode, I might have hit my fork today.  I cannot stop thinking about how far she came, and this has made my day much easier than if I hadn't seen that episode.  I want to contact this young lady and THANK HER.

I keep thinking, "If she can do this, then so can I." I am coming from a much smaller place than her, and she powered right through.  This show was different.  This show was better than The Last 10 Pounds Bootcamp,  or even X-Weighted.   And maybe it wasn't the show itself that inspired me so much.  Maybe it was just the girl who was so adorable I could have pinched her cheeks off.

Anyways, I wasn't really expecting to make a post today, but I had to share my experience, my inspiration.  If you want, you can check out the full episode: I Used to be Fat  It is a truly amazing episode and maybe it'll help you power through too.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Week One: Day 3 - how quickly it comes back!

Well I've made it to day 3! And actually, surprisingly today has not been as bad as I had anticipated.  I did my workout, ate my eggs for breakfast, and have been diligently drinking my water.  I can proudly say that I feel SO much better!  I feel fabulous actually! And my skin has already begun to replenish itself from that awful shade of gray.

I love the feeling of taking care of myself.  I wake up in the morning knowing that I completed another full day of doing my body good - another day is under my belt.  I have also started to purposely *gasp* taste food instead of just forking it into my mouth thinking about the food I am going to eat next.  I am snacking on things like apples and carrots instead of just glancing at them in the fridge only to close the door at the thought of having to actually prepare it. 

My workouts are hard.  It's hard to be on a treadmill when you're dying.  But, I know it'll get easier because I've been there before.  And by "there" I mean I've felt the feeling of conquering my pain.  There is nothing like it! It only feels this amazing because it takes a long time and a lot of dedication.  I am focusing on those feelings, knowing that if I push myself hard enough, I can get "there" again. 

I honestly thought I would be using today's post as a way of venting all the feelings of the hatred I have towards this diet.  But here I am, ready to bring on day 4.  I woke up this morning to thoughts of "a brand new slate" to my points instead of "I only get 24 points - eff my life".

If I keep going at this rate, I will succeed.  Tomorrow I am going to a Weight Watcher's meeting.  I am hoping the meeting leader isn't a flake.  I know, I'm mean, but it makes a difference if you go to your meetings wanting to listen to the leader.  I remember when I lived downtown, I would walk to my meetings and happily so because the meeting leader was amazing.  He (yes, HE) was inspiring and interesting.  It has been 4 years since then and I still remember him so that's gotta tell you something.  He ended up leaving to work in B.C or something, and I remember we were all sad to see a strange lady take his place the next week.  Let's just say she was, well, eccentric would probably best describe her.   I ended up quitting after the next week after 10 weeks. 

Anywho, I'm almost half-way through the first week.  Decent.  Weigh-in coming soon! Wait for it...wait. for. it....!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Week One: Happy New Year!!

O.K! So, I have officially started! I am proud of myself.  It's Saturday. I don't think I've ever started on a Saturday before.  It was always been a Monday.  Maybe this means I will be more inclined to stick with it because I will have gone through a weekend.  It's always the weekend that seems to screw up my diets. 

Today, I am super-motivated.  I have counted every single point, and am starting to think more wisely of my food choices.  For instance, I'm going to actually HAVE eggs for breakfast at least 3 times a week.  I used to think it was a "waste of points" because they're 2 points each and if you want to feel even remotely satisfied you have to eat two.  This time I'm thinking about the protein that I'm eating, not just the fact that it's 4 points.  I've also decided to really pay attention to the water, the fruit and veggies, milk and oil boxes.  I used to ignore them, and although I would lose weight, I was always so hungry.  I'm also going to do a workout today.  Some cardio and some weights.

This blog isn't going to describe my meal plans or my workouts.  The point of this blog is to allow myself to bust out any feelings I have.  Probably the same feelings that a lot of women will relate to but have never heard it come from someone else.  It's not meant to dictate a record of what I fork into my mouth or how many crunches I do.  I don't want to become more obsessed with facts than I already am.  This blog is going to be my safeground.  A place where I can dump all my true feelings about this journey.  And I'm going to warn you right now, it may not be all sunshine and butterflies!.

I am human.  I will be tempted and I will be throwing ideas around in my mind about the reasons why I don't want to/need to diet.  I will need some food with little or no nutritional value to get me through a weak moment.  I acknowledge this and has always been my nemesis.  This time I am prepared.

At Starbucks, you can get a grande light coffee Frappuccino for 2 points. And if you don't believe me, check it out: Light Frappuccino. No, this is not an advertisment for Starbucks.  But I'm sharing this with you because if you're anything like me, I will need something to get me through the lineup at Starbucks with friends.  So if any of you know of any cool foods with little point value, just to get me through a moment of weakness, please let me know!

My husband and I actually braved the New Year's Eve grocery store crowds yesterday so we could start our diets today.  Now if that's not committment, I don't know what is.  The line ups went all the way down to the freakin' meat department!  Anyways, as we were throwing healthy items into our cart, I came upon the frozen pizza section.  I grabbed a Dr. Oteker thin crust Ristorante pizza.  My husband told me to put it back but I insisted that we would definately need it to get through.  I told him that although we are motivated today, tomorrow just might bring a weak moment and you need to equip yourself.  The pizza is my sword.

Today is going very well as I predicted it would .  Heck, even tomorrow might be awesome.  I know that day 3 is going to be a hard day.  I can guarantee I will have an update on day 3.  Until then!