Monday, April 4, 2011

So...... I'm Pregnant...!

Okay so you were probably wonder where the h-e-double hockey sticks I have been these past few weeks. Well, I peed on some sticks and found out a few weeks ago that I am in fact.... pregnant. I am 7 weeks tomorrow.

It's a surprise, that's for sure. We weren't planning on having another quite this soon, but alas, the gods had other plans in mind for us!

I am sure that this "diet" and exercise has been a tremendous factor in helping "fix" my PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome). Basically, I don't ovulate more than 2 - 3 times per year, which was why it took us about 2 years to have our son. We went through tons of fertility appointments, drug therapies, and crying. So for me to ovulate on my own, AND get pregnant, well that's special.

So, that being said, I am so glad I did this journey. I ended up at a respectable 15 lbs away from pre-pregnancy weight. This pregnancy I am taking much more serious in terms of exercise and eating habits. I don't have that "privileged" feeling I had the first time around. I am NOT gaining the 70 lbs I did last time. It was hard on my joints, muscles, and my mentality to boot.

I will keep going with this blog. But I will start weighing myself and watch it SLOWLY go up. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale this morning and I was 166.4 lbs. I am also running/walking a 5 k this coming Sunday, AND I am walking/running a 5 k on race weekend (the one I had mentioned before). I want to be one of those "cute" pregnant ladies this time.

I will also post picture of my belly starting at 8 weeks. I didn't do that last time, and I sort of regret it.

Anyways, that's that. Keep checking in, I'm definitely not taking this as a "give up" scenario. I think of it as an opportunity to keep up with it and have a healthy pregnancy.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Week 11: Day 3 - Lost week

Sorry for not updating last week ladies, I've had a crazy week, which I will tell you all about in the near future.

I had a significant loss last week! I was down 5.5 lbs!! I couldn't believe it when I stepped on the scale. I was so proud, I let out a big "whoo hoo!" and everyone thought I was crazy. I didn't care, I was so happy. All this hard work and good choice-making is paying off.

Good choice of the week: I went to a concert with my sisters last Sunday, and beforehand, we went out to eat. I was SO tempted to order my favorite buffalo chicken fingers. I hmm'd and hawed... I went back and forth in my mind. I thought to myself, "I've been so good, I can be bad just this once..." But then I thought about how I would feel the next morning. And I knew I would be so disappointed in myself. So my sister suggested she would order them, and I could have one. I ended up ordering a garden salad with grilled chicken and balsamic vinagrette for myself and I had one of my sister's chicken fingers. I never thought just a taste would ever satisfy me. But it did, and I didn't feel like a pile of garbage the next day.

So that one good choice made all the difference. Yay me!!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Week 9: Day Six - 10 lbs lighter

I'm now 10 lbs lighter! WOW. It came off slowly, but there it is! I measured my hips and they are now down to 43 inches, which is 1 inch down from the last time I measured. Amazing what 10 lbs can do. I am feeling good again, things are looking up. I ran 3 miles (4.8 k) on the treadmill yesterday.  I did it in 34 minutes. Not bad! I'd like to pull it down to under 30 minutes. I am finding it very challenging to squeeze in my workouts when I just want to see my son after a long day of work.  He isn't very patient with me when I work out, it's hard to keep him entertained long enough.

I am loving the longer days. It makes it seem as though there is more time to do things. Now I just need the weather to get warmer and I should be able to make working out with my son easier. I have one of those running strollers that someone gave me as a hand-me-down. I'll just have to get used to using it. Anyone have any experience/advice about a running stroller they'd like to share?

Funny enough, I think I am the same weight as I was this time last year, 20 weeks pregnant. It's almost like I'm crisscrossing, watching myself in reverse. I am starting to SLOWLY feel "sexy" again. There was a point where I really felt as though no one would give me a second glance. It's nice to feel that way again. Don't get me wrong, my husband is very good at making me feel sexy, but it really does comes within and follows you throughout your day, doesn't it.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Week 9: Day Three - Support

Thank you so much ladies for your support.  Because of your words, ladies, my weekend went very well.  I kept surging on. I woke up this morning and felt amazing that I hadn't turned to food to solve my insecurities. So THANK YOU for that.  I needed some REAL voices, that truly understand my struggles to hold me up as I'm falling down.  And I'm proud to say that this time I broke the vicious cycle (feel bad, eat, feel worse, eat, feel bad, etc. etc. etc...) This time, I felt bad, and I DIDN'T eat, and now I feel good again. Go figure.  Holy crap, that was hard though.  Fighting my inner demons was hard. They're so convincing sometimes. I find you can convince yourself of anything if you put your mind to it. Which can either work in your favor or set you up for failure.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you step on the scale and it's a good number, you somehow convince yourself that you're allowed to eat badly? Why do I do that? Just because a number on the scale is good, doesn't give me the right to slander all the progress I have made. Maybe I'm the only one, but I really have to fight myself sometimes after a weigh-in.

I signed up for the 10k race in May. I thought I'd do the 5k but I KNOW it's within me to work hard and do the 10k. I will just have to work that much harder, and that's what motivation is all about. I did the 10k in 2009, and I loved every minute of it. Here I am running in a race in 2008.

I see pictures of myself running and I wish I could go back, and stand in the side-lines and cheer me on.  I wish I had appreciated it more than I did. I'm glad I have a photo so I can remind myself of how I felt in my running days. It's easy to forget once you stop for a certain amount of time. This time when I get back to this, I will definitely not take it for granted. I will look at myself in the mirror when i get back from a long run and tell myself how proud I am.

Anyways, I've switched my Weight Watcher day to Wednesday because I really like the support ladies better on Wednesdays. We had to go Wednesday last week because my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law couldn't make our usual Tuesday. Turns out, I like Wednesdays much better. I actually got a "good job" when I stepped on the scale another pound lighter. Oh! AND I got my 5% sticker!  Never thought I'd be so excited about a stupid sticker!

Have a good week ladies! Thanks again for the support.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Week 8: Day Four - Old Habits Die Hard

Okay so I went to a wedding on Sunday and for some reason, I felt like the fattest cow.  All those feelings of insecurities came rushing back to me.  I feel like I ended up right where I started before this whole journey.  I even wore Spanx and I still felt huge.  I couldn't stand it by the end of the night when the dance floor started I pulled my husband away and we took a cab home.

I had psyched myself up for this for the past 2 months.  I felt really good at first, but as the night wore on, I felt like everyone was judging me. I thought I was over this, but I guess old habits die hard. I kept trying to tell myself that I was overreacting, but I just couldn't shake it.

Anyways, I know this isn't an encouraging post, but I guess it had to happen sooner or later.  Today my the pants I bought for going back to work (size 14) were way too loose on me, so that brought myself back up a few notches. I am still about 30 lbs bigger than I was 2 years ago, and that still resonates with me.  I need your help ladies.  Some words of encouragement would be great right about now.. 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Week 7: Day Six - Jillian (my girl crush)

Oh Jillian, let me count the ways.  I have a love/hate relationship with Jillian Michaels.  She is one tough lady.  But, she seems to be the key to my success.  As I had mentioned in a previous post, I did the 30 Day Shred and have now started another one of her videos Blast Fat, Boost Metabolism.  Thank goodness I did the 30 Day Shred first.  It really prepared me for what was to come on BFBM.  Basically BFBM is the same as the 30DS except added kickboxing moves in between so you can catch your breath.  Instead of a 20-30 minute workout, it's a 40-50 minute work out.  After I'm done, I am sweating buckets, and my heart rate is revved up.  I really enjoy it because you don't need any equipment.  She uses your body weight to work you out.  In my opinion, this is the best way to exercise.  Getting your body moving vs. standing there and pulling weights on a machine is far more effective for weight loss.  She uses jump-training and honestly, I have never moved my body like that before.  When I first did the jump-training moves, I thought I was going to die.  It's not so bad now, but still gets my heart rate like nothing else.

I am going to try No More Trouble Zones today, another of Jillian's masterpieces.  This one uses 3-5 lb dumbells, so I can start to tone my arms. They're a li-tt-le flabby.

Oh yeah, and I weighed in at WW - I was down another pound, so 173.2!

If you have any questions about Jillian, please feel free to ask me!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Week 6: Day Five - Holy Cow!

I'm down 3.5 lbs this week!! YES! Finally some faster progress!  Now I'm really revved up and ready to take on next week! I intentionally went to the other lady to weigh-in although she wasn't much better in terms of encouragement.  I don't know if it's because they're very busy or what, but I find they are very rushed there.  I don't ever get a "good job" anymore like I used to.  Maybe it's the new program?  I know that I'm just an number there, but I have been doing WW off and on for over 10 years and I used to always get encouragement at the scale.  Also, in total I have lost 7 lbs, and I didn't get a 5 lbs goal sticker.  I know it sounds lame, it's just a stupid sticker right?  But I worked HARD for that stupid sticker.  My mother-in-law had to ask for both of hers as she has lost 11.5 lbs total.  So it's not just a one-time thing, seems to be a theme at this location.

Anyways, on with the positives.  I made some oatmeal raisin bites from one of the WW pamphlets.  They are really good! I added Splenda instead of sugar, so that probably brought the points value down.  I've never bothered to make a recipe before so I'm pretty pleased with myself!  Next week I will try something new.  I get the e-tools free for 2 weeks so I'll see if it's worth keeping it or not.  Anyone recommend any low-fat recipes they love?  I hate making something new and having it turn out to taste like pure garbage.  It's such a waste of time. 

I'm still adjusting to my new life as a working mommy, but I think things are working out pretty well so far.  I have a nice routine everyday and it surprisingly includes everything.  My little guy is very laid-back so it's easy to not worry about him during the day when I'm at work.  The babysitter sends pictures and updates on how he's doing, and that helps too.

I am looking forward to running outside again.  Two years ago, I did a 10 k and I loved it.  Last summer I was pregnant and decided against running.  I'm going to sign up for a 5 k in May.  This will give me incentive to train regularly. There's nothing like running outside as the sun is setting, and you're floating off the pavement.  I want that feeling again.  It's very addictive, but in a good way.

Anyways, I'm very happy with my weigh-in this week.  And I think I needed the large change this week.  I have honestly been working very hard, and I believe I can chalk up my last weigh-in to my wonderful monthly visitor.  I didn't mention it last time because I didn't want it to sound like I was trying to make excuses.  Thanks a lot Aunt Flow.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Week 5: Day Seven - Oh boy...

Ok so scrolling down I just realized how many stomach pictures I have on here.  People must be thinking I'm obsessed with my abs... the truth is, I am a little... but let me explain - ONLY because it is the place where I usually see a noticeable difference in dieting.  I promise I won't be posting another picture of them.   I hope that next time there will be a noticeable difference in my hips.  They are measuring 44 inches right now.  I want them to measure 41 again.  That's only 3 inches! That's totally doable.  

It's FRIDAY, and I just wanted to come on here to remind myself that even though it's FRIDAY, it doesn't give me the right to pig-out.  And to apologize for all the belly pictures!!

Have a good and healthy weekend everyone!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Week 5: Day Four - One Month Down!

I was going to post my ONE MONTH D-DAY ANNIVERSARY!! But, instead I thought I'd focus on something that might be helpful to you if you happen to experience this during YOUR journey.

Okay, remember my last post when I said I have to prepare myself for the weeks where I go up or I don't see change?  So for some reason I weighed in at 177.3 again.  Not sure why, because yesterday morning when I stepped on the scale I was 175.9, but you know what, you really can't always go by the numbers... your weight fluctuates so much on a daily basis all it takes is for you to drink a glass of water and be up 1/2 a pound.  It's the overall journey/goal that really matters.

So I was okay with this lack of change.  I had a hard weekend coping with the fact that I went back to work and adjusting to my new life.  I probably ate more this weekend than I normally do, still making better choices than the old me.  The old me would have dialed up Pizza Hut and had a field day, but luckily the new me was in charge and I had my usual alternative to stave me off.

The stupid jerk who weighed me in tonight, looked at me with glaring eyes and said, "oh..... no change this week..." In a "oh my, you suck" kind of tone. WTF.  I have never had a WW person lack so much positivity than this lady.  I literally had to tell her, "I'm okay with this!"  I mean, how does she know what went on during my week?  I've had only loss so far, I think a week where I stayed the same was due! (Hence the fact that I posted this exact thing literally last week!!)  She has always been a jerk though, I'm going to avoid her at weigh-ins.  That, or switch locations or days.  I can't have Negative Nelly hinder my journey!

So, I stayed the same, so what?  I'm not giving up! Why would I now?  After all my hard work, I don't deserve that!  In fact, it made me rethink my strategy - I'm going to start running after Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred - clearly I need a change to rev up my metabolism.  Strangely enough, the meeting was about "sticking with it" and "positive thinking/reinforcement" tonight.  I had to chuckle under my breath - how can I have positive thinking when I'm stepping on the scale with such judgement?  Heck yes I'm going to  STICK WITH IT!  I'm not going to let some negative jerk stand in my way!  My body deserves me to stick with it.  It went through hell last year, having a baby and all.  It deserves this exercise, and better food choices.

If I wasn't so wiped, I would have complained.  But honestly, if she pulls a stunt like that again, I'm going to speak up further.  If she's doing that to me, she's probably doing it to everyone.  And I'm stronger than some/most people.  That type of attitude might put someone who is really struggling right off.  I'm lucky I prepared myself, or I might just have walked out the door.  Those people are there to help motivate you.  Why am I reassuring myself? I give her the Jerk of the Week award. ;)

Anyways, I promised it, so here are some pictures! I'm not ready for the full view - there really isn't a drastic enough change to post anyways.  But I will show you my beloved abs.  They're slowly making a comeback!

Jan 1st - Front View

Feb 1st - Front View

Jan 1st - Side View

Feb 1st - Side View

So I think it's safe to say that my abs are well on their way.  This month, I'm going to focus on my hips.  That's where the running comes in.  I plan to do 30 mins 4 times a week as well as keeping up with Jillian (I'm going to look into getting her fat blaster video)

And I'd like to end the post with - I MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST MONTH!!!!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Week 4: Day 6 - Superwoman

Oh my goodness, being back at work is a whole new ballgame.  Dropping off the baby, the husband, the dog, doing a full day of work, coming back home getting in a workout, picking up the baby and dog, and waiting for the husband to come home and help take on some duties... all in the meantime, eating healthy and drinking water..... I feel like Superwoman.

Being a wife, mom, daughter, friend and now an employee... wow, it is definitely NOT easy to juggle everything and also keep up this healthy lifestyle.  Don't worry, this is not a post to tell you I'm throwing in the towel.  I just wanted to express that I got through my first week of my new life. 

So I weighed-in at Weight Watcher's on Tuesday at 177.3 lbs! Yeah! It's only 1 pound down, but I have decided that this time, I'm not letting myself be disappointed if there is a loss, no matter how small.  Why would I be?  I am doing everything I can to make this happen so if there's a loss, it's because I earned it, not because I starved myself.  So far, the scale has been decent to me, only going down.  But I have to prepare myself for the days where I don't see a change, or I go up.  Those are the days where I'm more likely to say, "screw it, what's the number for Pizza Hut?"  I have to be prepared, not just physically, but mentally.  I have to remind myself over and over that an off-week on the scale does NOT have to equal an off-week for eating. 

I haven't ordered a pizza in 27 days.  That has got to be a record for me. I love, love, love pizza. I could eat pizza morning, noon and night.  It's got all my favorites: meat, cheese, veggies, tomato sauce and bread.  That was my number one idea of how I would gauge this diet.  Pizza was my archilles heel.  I haven't given it up, I've just....modified it.

Next post I'm taking pictures, so stay tuned!!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Week 4: Day 2 - How to get through a night of appetizers....

So, last night I went to a wedding shower, and there was FOOD GALORE! The bride-to-be is Ukrainian, so they had table full of the most amazing, fattening foods you could think of.  Before I went, I gave myself a game-plan: I ate a nice healthy turkey wrap at home before the shower and allowed myself to have 3 appetizers and unlimited fruit and veggies.  I also allowed myself to linger on 1 glass of wine. That was my plan and I was sticking to it.

I am extremely proud to say that I stuck to my plan! I stuck to it, and I didn't feel like I was missing out, no one looked at me weirdly, AND, most importantly, I felt ......get this......satisfied!  No. Way.  I had no idea that's all it took to feel "satisfied."  I thought stuffing your face because "it's there" was the only way to feel that satisfaction.  I can't tell you how amazing I felt this morning when I woke up and realized how good I was at a social event that was weighing (literally!) on my mind ever since I received the invitation.

So it IS possible to go to a social event and be on a "diet". You just need to PLAN for it.  This is the first time I had planned for something like this.  I was able to enjoy my time there, and not worry about blowing it.  I keep pinching myself every time I see the lower number on the scale.  Sure it's only 1 lb and is done only once a week, but I am still in awe.  Is this even for real?  How is it possible that I am able to go to a social event, be included in everything including food and drink? What an epiphany.

Weigh-in is on Tuesday and I guess it will prove how well my "planning" really went. I am actually excited!  Who knew this month was going to be this great?  And I thought I had to lose 10 lbs fast before I felt any sort of entitlement.  I was so wrong. 


Week 1: 181.2 lbs

Week 2: 179.8 lbs

Week 3: 178.3 lbs

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Week 3: Day 6 - Loose!

So I've noticed my pants are feeling loose! The scale isn't down significantly - I weighed in at WW on Tuesday and I am officially 178.3 lbs... And I know that doesn't sound like much but 3 pounds in 3 weeks, well I can't complain really.  As long as I am noticing the changes, I don't think the number on the scale has that much of a significance. 

So here are more results:

I guess it's time to mention that I have been doing the 30 day shred.  I am on day 17... level 2 is much harder than level 1 but, after having done it 7 times, I am seeing a significant improvement in my stamina.  The first day I did it, I thought I was going to die.  Now, I don't dread it as much.  You really just need to work past your inner demons.  

But like I said, I didn't want this blog to be about every little detail.  You can't keep up with a blog if you plan to go into too much detail.  And I thought this place was going to be my "venting" station, but it really hasn't been as bad as I had set it up to be. So far, seeing these results after eating REAL food, just NORMAL portion sizes, I feel like this is something I can carry on for a long time.  Of course this time I am being diligent in adding fruit and vegetables to the mix, oh and drinking my water, but honestly I haven't made THAT much of a sacrifice.  I am not depriving myself this time, I refuse. 
Hope everyone's journey is going well!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Week Two: Day 7 - Water

Water! I am craving water.  Last night, when we were lounging around my husband got up to grab something and I asked him if he could fill up my water bottle for me.  He looked at me funny and said, "don't you just want a diet soda?"  I told him no I was craving water.  he shrugged his shoulders.  Then asked me how HE could crave water too.

What a great feeling to crave something that is natural for your body.  I never knew how it affected me until I missed drinking it by 2 hours.  It was like my body was telling me, "Look, I'm missing something here."  All the diet pops that I had been drinking were silencing my body.  I can just picture the soda can in a slick, low, gangster voice saying, "Hey hey hey, it's okay, you don't need that plain 'ole, boring 'ole water. Just drink me.  I'm just as cold..." 

My skin is nicer, my nails are nicer, and when I pee it feels delightful.

So the water has been helping a lot.  There have been many times when I was dieting without drinking my water out of laziness.  Usually those diets didn't last long.  So my lesson for the day is, you can eat as well as you like, and exercise as long as you like.  But you're not doing anything unless you're drink lots of water.  Your body NEEDS it!  That "craving"  is NORMAL - and yet it feels so foreign to me.  How sad is that?

So DRINK UP! It's important.  We really don't give water it's due diligence...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Week Two: Day 4 - F-ABS-ulous!

11 days in and I took some pictures and I could not believe the difference.  I just had to share in my progress.  After all, this is what the blog is for, right?

January 1st: Side view

January 11th: Side view

January 1st: Front view

January 11th: Front view

Pardon the ever-lingering stretch-marks.  Okay, it's not perfect, but it is giving me hope that this IS possible.  I know that I mentioned I used to see a difference in my stomach if I just go one day without eating a carb, but this time I am actually eating carbs (in a healthy way) and it took a little long but it is still working.  I wonder if there's a difference in the "staying power" too.  Maybe it is loss of fat, rather than loss of water? 

Weight Watchers tonight! Wish me luck!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Week Two: Day 3 - Un-repressing feelings...

Today I thought about a memory I hadn't thought about for years.  I probably had repressed the feelings of that fateful day back in February of 1994.  That was the day that I became obsessed with the number on the scale.  Our class was going on a ski trip and they had every one of us step on a scale to see what size of skis we would need.  I remember being one of the heaviest girls weighing 118 lbs.  I hadn't thought about this day in many many years.  I think I am starting to think about this because I am going through a natural cleanse.  I feel okay thinking about these memories instead of feeling ashamed.

I have had weight issues since I was 12 years old. I might have even had them before, I don't remember.  In grade 8 a boy (Alex) would make fun of me.  He would call me fat, big-boned, etc. etc.  I remember he said I starred in Congo, a movie about a giant ape.  I can't believe I remember that.  I mean, he really made me feel like, well, the lowest human being on earth.  To this day, I still remember how I felt.  At this point, I didn't know I could do something about it.  I just thought you were pre-disposed to looking/being a certain way.  Pretty and thin girls were pretty and thin because they were born that way.  I had no idea about exercise or eating well. 

When I went from 169 lbs (aged 17) to 140 lbs (aged 24) I kept thinking about that jerk.  He was the one that made me want to change.  And it was good that I lost that weight, but I still never felt like I was ever perfect.  I always felt like I could be skinnier, and when I looked at pictures all I could see was how FAT I was.  I think this was because I was doing it for him.  Well not him specifically, but for all the jerks like him.  To prove to them that they were wrong in thinking less of me as a person because of my weight.  I wanted to stick it to them.

Now I couldn't give a flying eff about those people.  This time, I'm doing it for ME! Because I am now a mother, and I want to have another child in the future.  I want to have control of MY life, and I want to feel that happiness that I have never yet been able to feel.  So although my weight will eventually be the same, I don't think my mentality will be.  These changes that I'm making are for me to have.  And I am starting to feel that happiness as I go along, not just in my end result which I think is also important.  It's not like one day I'm going to wake up and say, "Okay, I'm happy now."  It's gradually starting.  And I really like it.

Anyways, I couldn't help but step on the scale this morning (I am part of a weight loss thread in a forum) and I am proud to say that my Weight Watcher's scale says 178.6 lbs! And boy do I feel it.   Tomorrow's weigh-in at Weight Watcher's will get me through another week because of the lower number.  Until then!  I want to hear from you ladies, it's been quite in the comment section!!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Week Two: Day 1 - I made it!

I made it through a week!  And not only a week but THE week! The one that has the highest rate of failure.  I am proud to say that I have NOT failed.  In fact, I really don't think I have been this motivated in my life.  I have been making very smart choices, choices that I would have never made before.  And it seems as though these choices are snowballing.  The more I make, the more I want to make them.  A first for me. 

I was at my parents house for a visit with the little one last night and of course, it being a Friday evening, pizza for dinner was an obvious choice.  They wanted to order it, but I suggested we have the frozen pizza that I mentioned in one of my previous posts instead.  I couldn't even finish the pizza I was so full.  Instead of shoving it down my throat for the sake of eating it, I put my plate up with my unfinished pieces.  I didn't feel "lacking" in anything.  I participated in the Friday night dinner and didn't blow my diet.  It felt great the next morning when I woke up realizing I was still on track.

Exercise is going well.  I've noticed a slight improvement in my endurance.  I know I'm not starting from square one and that it only gets better from hereon out so that makes me be o.k with working out.  I don't dread it quite as much.  I'm still not quite at the point where I feel free doing it, but like I said, I'm getting closer and closer every time I put those sneaks on.

Joining Weight Watcher's on Tuesday was fine.  I am liking the new program - it's probably the reason for the increase in my smart choices.  My official weigh-in was (drum roll please!) ...... 181.2 lbs. 

Let me explain the number:

1. It was done in the evening,
2. I was wearing clothes,
and 3. I probably weighed a bit more because of Christmas but couldn't bring myself to step on the scale.

I am actually excited to weigh in on Tuesday.  The first one is always the hardest I find.  You have nothing to base it on, and you know you probably haven't been eating very well beforehand.  When I've done the best that I can, I actually feel excitement in stepping on the scale.  This whole journey 'aint that bad afterall.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Week One: Day 4 - I have never been so inspired...

So I was watching MTV's show I Used to Be Fat that featured a very sweet and outgoing girl who weighed in at 253 lbs at 5'7".  At first, just watching her made me sad.  I thought to myself, "it's too bad there's no way she will ever look the way she really wants to look."  I am eating my words.  This girl was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.  She gave herself 111 days (days between graduating high school and starting college) and had a personal trainer with her the entire time.  Despite her mother being a real downer, almost trying to sabotage her (issues with "letting go" I assume) this girl pulled through and after the 111 days, ended up weighing only 163.5 lbs! Amazing.  I was in shock by the end of the episode.  She looked fantastic.  I felt horrible about the thoughts I had. 

The one part that so far has stuck with me in the episode is how she began.  Her personal trainer had her doing exercises much like the ones I'm doing.  This girl almost gave up only 10 minutes into it.  And that, folks, is the FORK in the road of a weight loss journey.   She chose the right path and ended up just "sucking it up" (as her trainer so gently put it) and continued working out everyday.  YES, every day!  She could have easily said "this is too hard" and left.  Although she did say "this is too hard," (numerous times) she did NOT pair it with giving up.  Honestly, if I had not seen that episode, I might have hit my fork today.  I cannot stop thinking about how far she came, and this has made my day much easier than if I hadn't seen that episode.  I want to contact this young lady and THANK HER.

I keep thinking, "If she can do this, then so can I." I am coming from a much smaller place than her, and she powered right through.  This show was different.  This show was better than The Last 10 Pounds Bootcamp,  or even X-Weighted.   And maybe it wasn't the show itself that inspired me so much.  Maybe it was just the girl who was so adorable I could have pinched her cheeks off.

Anyways, I wasn't really expecting to make a post today, but I had to share my experience, my inspiration.  If you want, you can check out the full episode: I Used to be Fat  It is a truly amazing episode and maybe it'll help you power through too.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Week One: Day 3 - how quickly it comes back!

Well I've made it to day 3! And actually, surprisingly today has not been as bad as I had anticipated.  I did my workout, ate my eggs for breakfast, and have been diligently drinking my water.  I can proudly say that I feel SO much better!  I feel fabulous actually! And my skin has already begun to replenish itself from that awful shade of gray.

I love the feeling of taking care of myself.  I wake up in the morning knowing that I completed another full day of doing my body good - another day is under my belt.  I have also started to purposely *gasp* taste food instead of just forking it into my mouth thinking about the food I am going to eat next.  I am snacking on things like apples and carrots instead of just glancing at them in the fridge only to close the door at the thought of having to actually prepare it. 

My workouts are hard.  It's hard to be on a treadmill when you're dying.  But, I know it'll get easier because I've been there before.  And by "there" I mean I've felt the feeling of conquering my pain.  There is nothing like it! It only feels this amazing because it takes a long time and a lot of dedication.  I am focusing on those feelings, knowing that if I push myself hard enough, I can get "there" again. 

I honestly thought I would be using today's post as a way of venting all the feelings of the hatred I have towards this diet.  But here I am, ready to bring on day 4.  I woke up this morning to thoughts of "a brand new slate" to my points instead of "I only get 24 points - eff my life".

If I keep going at this rate, I will succeed.  Tomorrow I am going to a Weight Watcher's meeting.  I am hoping the meeting leader isn't a flake.  I know, I'm mean, but it makes a difference if you go to your meetings wanting to listen to the leader.  I remember when I lived downtown, I would walk to my meetings and happily so because the meeting leader was amazing.  He (yes, HE) was inspiring and interesting.  It has been 4 years since then and I still remember him so that's gotta tell you something.  He ended up leaving to work in B.C or something, and I remember we were all sad to see a strange lady take his place the next week.  Let's just say she was, well, eccentric would probably best describe her.   I ended up quitting after the next week after 10 weeks. 

Anywho, I'm almost half-way through the first week.  Decent.  Weigh-in coming soon! Wait for it...wait. for. it....!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Week One: Happy New Year!!

O.K! So, I have officially started! I am proud of myself.  It's Saturday. I don't think I've ever started on a Saturday before.  It was always been a Monday.  Maybe this means I will be more inclined to stick with it because I will have gone through a weekend.  It's always the weekend that seems to screw up my diets. 

Today, I am super-motivated.  I have counted every single point, and am starting to think more wisely of my food choices.  For instance, I'm going to actually HAVE eggs for breakfast at least 3 times a week.  I used to think it was a "waste of points" because they're 2 points each and if you want to feel even remotely satisfied you have to eat two.  This time I'm thinking about the protein that I'm eating, not just the fact that it's 4 points.  I've also decided to really pay attention to the water, the fruit and veggies, milk and oil boxes.  I used to ignore them, and although I would lose weight, I was always so hungry.  I'm also going to do a workout today.  Some cardio and some weights.

This blog isn't going to describe my meal plans or my workouts.  The point of this blog is to allow myself to bust out any feelings I have.  Probably the same feelings that a lot of women will relate to but have never heard it come from someone else.  It's not meant to dictate a record of what I fork into my mouth or how many crunches I do.  I don't want to become more obsessed with facts than I already am.  This blog is going to be my safeground.  A place where I can dump all my true feelings about this journey.  And I'm going to warn you right now, it may not be all sunshine and butterflies!.

I am human.  I will be tempted and I will be throwing ideas around in my mind about the reasons why I don't want to/need to diet.  I will need some food with little or no nutritional value to get me through a weak moment.  I acknowledge this and has always been my nemesis.  This time I am prepared.

At Starbucks, you can get a grande light coffee Frappuccino for 2 points. And if you don't believe me, check it out: Light Frappuccino. No, this is not an advertisment for Starbucks.  But I'm sharing this with you because if you're anything like me, I will need something to get me through the lineup at Starbucks with friends.  So if any of you know of any cool foods with little point value, just to get me through a moment of weakness, please let me know!

My husband and I actually braved the New Year's Eve grocery store crowds yesterday so we could start our diets today.  Now if that's not committment, I don't know what is.  The line ups went all the way down to the freakin' meat department!  Anyways, as we were throwing healthy items into our cart, I came upon the frozen pizza section.  I grabbed a Dr. Oteker thin crust Ristorante pizza.  My husband told me to put it back but I insisted that we would definately need it to get through.  I told him that although we are motivated today, tomorrow just might bring a weak moment and you need to equip yourself.  The pizza is my sword.

Today is going very well as I predicted it would .  Heck, even tomorrow might be awesome.  I know that day 3 is going to be a hard day.  I can guarantee I will have an update on day 3.  Until then!